9 wan wan

Assalamualaikum

This post goes out to YOU, YOU whoever you are.

It has been a long time since, I last known YOU. Sometime, I find it very hard to move along. Even I am always the one who can make everybody smiling shine like morning sunshine, but nobody knows except All-mighty Above and I only knows how I truly suffocating and seriously Crushing from inside. Sometime I could just let my self gone no where just to let my self back to reality. I have to push myself to get back up, and pull myself all together to get WAN back at his stand. It's not easy being me. I shouldn't say those words, when we're to be like this. most of the time, i am lost in lust because of YOU. Everyday, It's such a teaser to me. a very bad one. To blame You, is a mistakes, to blame myself is a definite choice. because of this, along the line, I couldn't barely know myself.

I wanted to say "IF", but that word will just makes YOU regret, and I don't want that. When I put myself to thinkerland, and wonder back, way back, I can see. how much I have changed because of YOU. but to YOU, I seem no CHANGED. NOTHING. Trust is one of the hardest one to build, but I keep wondering, Why I keep putting trust in YOU, even YOU went very hard on me. sometime YOU even called me any names you wanted too. to be Honest, It hurts. there was that time, it did made me drop and down the whole day. to put and say I cried? YES. and to put it to say I do STUPID things after that? YES. I did, do something stupid. there still SCARS in my hands. the worst moment I could remember? is when YOU kissed someone. or more. That's when I just thought of DEATH was so close to me. but than, I stop. and say.. "At least your honest with me.. and NEXT time don't ever do it... AGAIN.." I always wonder I go EASY on you. And just keep cooling myself. drop any anger.

Most of the time. You, mention names of Guys, who's close with YOU, at school, and then I would just go with this "When is my TIME? when will YOU get me? WHEN IS MY MOMENT ? HOW LONG YOU WANNA MAKE ME WAIT??" all in my head. and I just never told you this. because? I said "At least you be Honest to me.. please don't do that AGAIN.. and STAY AWAY from them.." sometime, because of how good you are.. i am scared enough all day. I keep checking my phone for you, when there was no update? YOU know What i do. When there were know NO REPLIES. I am frighten so much. THAT I had to get Angry with YOU. but All you replied. short massages. claim me down or not, YOU just fight back. How stupid I am for ignoring the chance to understand YOU.

Fuuhhh~~.. YES.. I admit. I am not satisfied. I tried not giving up, but I keep falling AGAIN and AGAIN. And When YOU smile. all the things I wanted to tell YOU are all gone. Because, YOU can bring up all the nicest inspiration inside me. warm and then. I would just dream about YOU.

most of the time, I wonder where you are? and I just having a bad thought.. that you will be with someone even nicer then me, or being happy with your AMAZING family, I wish I could have an ability to watch You, but I have to stay with this fact. For What i did just for YOU, I am expecting your appreciations. now? I actually know, you are not reading this. because I know. You HATED me the most. because I know You Hated her too. to be honest again. I actually have nothing with her. nor do close relationship, none. I always put my self strictly nowadays to be just like YOU. to take good care of Families. and to take good care of my self. thank YOU for being well and and letting myself to be more of like YOU just like YOU said "HELP YOURSELF".

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 9 WAN WAN. I MISSED YOU. nothing can be just LIKE YOU. YOU ARE SUCH in a Billion CHANCES TO BE REMEMBER in a LIFE TIME.